Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Holidays Schmolidays!

Ok so how come every time a holiday of any sort comes by, things get complicated? Back when I was a wee lass in school, I would get so anxious and excited about holiday events that I would vomit and be sent to the nurse's office to wait for Kay to pick me up. Every time, the teacher would send a student down with a Valentine mailbox, Christmas (yes, they actually only called it Christmas back then) exchange gift or Easter basket with treats. I missed the punch and snacks, the not having to sit in your assigned seat, the games and songs. I think it lasted two or three years at the most and eventually I could stomach the anxiety and even enjoy some of the fun.

As an adult, I don't vomit but I wonder if somehow, if the anxiety is still there, is it causing chaos to ensue? Karma to come and kick my butt?

If you look at some of my previous blogs around various holidays there is bound to be some drama mentioned.

This Easter or Eostre was no exception; Kay was in the hospital. She came home today after seven days and I feel I can now breathe a bit easier. It's odd but instead of getting wrapped up in crafting, sewing and knitting to take my mind off things, I often find myself doing NOTHING. It's frustrating to me on so many levels. I sit and think about all I want to do, all I should be doing. Does anyone else have this problem?

The only good part is the house is clean! It seems cleaning, organizing (somewhat...) and going on long walks in the sun are the only things I can do when I get all sorts of upset. Oh, lest you believe I am being utterly silly and have a totally organized estate, let me clarify on the organization. I will decide I can no longer handle, for instance, the Wee One's closet and clothing bins being organized the way they are. I will dismantle whatever system is currently in place and halfway begin one anew. Finishing any organization is another story; it doesn't happen when I am in this sort of mental place.

I am hopeful. Hopeful that Kay will get healthier each and every day. Hopeful my zest for the craft will return soon. Hopeful this beautiful weather will stick around at least for one more glorious day. Hopeful the next holiday will be so much better.


Reilly! said...

I am *notorious* for cleaning the apartment whenever I'm upset or especially anxious about something. I think it's something to do with being able to exert some control and order over an otherwise chaotic event beyond our control.

Remember that it is totally okay and sometimes really beneficial to do nothing, gives you time to recharge :o)

I'm glad Kay is doing better!

Patricia said...

Thanks Reilly! Your explanation totally makes sense too!

Heather said...

Hmm. I don't have the cleaning when stressed gene. Serious bummer, 'cuz I have plenty of stress. What ever gets you thru is what gets you thru. Don't add to your stress by worrying about it! Rather than thinking of it as doing nothing, think of it as breathing. Breathing is good and productive.
I hope things even out for you.